Zach Richards ⁽⁴⁾

A Data-Driven Proposal for Maximizing Educational Output For decades, educators have grappled with a troubling inefficiency in the modern school schedule: students continue to possess free time. Despite carefully engineered homework loads and the strategic placement of exams on consecutive days, many students still report…

LAKE STEVENS, WA—In an inspiring act of self-preservation, Lake Stevens High School proudly announced the disbandment of its Debate Club after members committed the unthinkable crime of… debating. The final offense unfolded during a regional tournament where the prompt dared to ask: “Is it ever…

LAKE STEVENS, WASHINGTON—In a shocking exposé, an anonymous whistleblower has declared that the Associated Student Body (ASB) Congress is “less effective than an absolute kakistocratic monarchy.” The whistleblower’s report, leaked during lunch period via an Instagram story with the caption “#WakeUpLSHS,” has left students simultaneously…

LAKE STEVENS, WASHINGTON—Lake Stevens High School students received a triumphant announcement this week: the district fully supports their right to stage a walkout—as long as they do so 2.5 miles away, in the pre-dawn hours, and preferably where nobody can actually see them. “Student voices…